This is why I do my own yoga at home! Just Because You Practice Yoga, Doesn’t Mean You Are a Yogi

How to Be Unpopular in the Yoga World!

I have never figured out how to fit in within the yoga world, and often find myself on the energetic periphery—gazing into this group of radiant bodies like, “Hey guys, is it cool if my aura blends in with yours?”

I am a very competitive person. I had played sports all my life, and equated physical activity with destroying your opponent so they would weep at their insignificance in the face of your victory.

I spent my life shit-talking to get under people’s skin so I could annihilate their self-confidence and win—and that wasn’t exactly the yoga vibe. “Pssssst. Hey…hey you…Yeah you. My Downward Dog is so much better than yours.”

It took years to extricate my desire to be better than people.

Speaking of which, aren’t you impressed by my ability to accomplish this Zen balance, and don’t you now feel inferior to me? Anyway…Comparing yourself to other people, either positively or negatively, is the root of spiritual dis-ease (the hyphen is a cleverness, right? I like it).

The only way to address this impulse is to send love to the person who is the target of your ego. Yet my competitive instincts didn’t totally disappear, and instead transmuted to where I am hypercompetitive with myself—which is also frowned upon.

No one really wants to hear about how on the solstice I did 108 Sun Salutations doing the most challenging sequence offered and didn’t take one break. Most yogis will respond that I am motivated by the wrong force, which I don’t think is very Star Wars of them, so ha!

Another part of me that often alienates me from my fellow yogis is my sarcasm.

I once went to classes and every joke I made in my weak attempt to make friends basically made people’s third eye wrinkle, right before they cartwheeled their arms away from me.

So I was hanging back as others scrambled to get their hemp Birkenstocks over their toe rings. As this girl was bending over in front of me, I noticed my yoga mat kept bumping her. She turned around to see what was going on, and I said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to butt fuck you with my mat.”

Needless to say, we didn’t exchange Namaste-s after that.

Oh wait…there is more. I also lack an inner monologue and am relatively unfiltered.

This works to my advantage when I say blissful things like, “I just really connected to her inner child, and felt like our root chakras fire at the same frequency.”

Yet, it doesn’t work as much when I mention that my mom is kind of a —-, or I have cheated on almost every partner I have ever been with. Even though we all aim for non-attachment and open-heartedness, my flexible morals tend to garner some judgment.

The yogic philosophy and physical practice have had a profound impact on my life, yet my relationship with yoga has been more solitary than communal. Perhaps it is because I turn people off, but maybe I am also estranging myself.

There is something about excessive sincerity to which I cannot relate. I think the path towards enlightenment means altering your behavior to be the best version of your highest self, but also maintaining brutal honesty about who you actually are in the moment.

MORE YOGA RANTS HERE

I still exist in a quantum mass of contradictions, and am hyperaware of my many follies. Allowing those parts of me to be expressed hasn’t exactly crowned me yoga prom queen.

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